Book Review: "The Misunderstood God" by Darin Hufford

When you consider the God of Christianity and how He relates to His children, what kind of person do you envision?

Someone like this:

...A God who is absolutely patient and understanding with you, regardless of how badly you misbehave; someone who knows and loves your the deepest part of your heart; someone who is selfless, never wanting for Himself what belongs to others; someone who will lower Himself to help you; someone who makes Himself vulnerable so He can have a relationship with you; someone who doesn't hide himself from you; someone who is truly happy when you are praised and honored; someone mature enough to handle mistreatment or disrespect gracefully; someone who truly disregards your failures, and never once holds them over your head; someone who loves the REAL you, including the whole truth about you; someone who trusts you, and is excited about your future; someone who will always stand by you through everything, without exception...

Or someone like this:

...A God with a hair-trigger temper; someone who may be nice, but only so that He can get what He wants; someone who craves attention for Himself, who loves to impress you with his power; someone who loves to remind people how wonderful He is; someone who is disrespectful toward His inferiors; someone who gets upset if He's not given enough attention; someone you need to walk on eggshells around; someone who always reminds you of your mistakes, and uses fear and threats to keep you in line; someone that focuses on your faults and weaknesses; someone who doesn't really care if you heart gets stepped on; someone who doesn't trust you to anything right; someone who is constantly disappointed in you; and someone who, if things get bad enough, will leave you...

At the risk of being trite, I'll call the first description God A and the second God B.

In The Misunderstood God, author Darin Hufford presents the idea that God A is in fact the true God--the God of love as described in the famous "love chapter" of 1 Corinthians 13--but that Christian religion has instead given us God B. This God is someone who looks more like an abusive father or a paranoid leader than the source of absolute, pure, untainted, undiluted love.

According to Darin, God A is the one that every person, deep in their heart, knows is the true God, whether or not they even believe in Him. We instinctively know this, and long to experience this kind of love.

But in many cases, when we encounter Christianity, we discover a God who is unsatisfied with us until we behave perfectly. We learn about a God who expects us to obey and worship Him even if our heart isn't in it, a God who uses guilt to makes us behave better, a God who doesn't want us to shine too brightly, because it will make us proud and draw attention away from Him, a God who will not bless you unless you give yourself and your money to Him, and a God who needs to micromanage every detail of your life.

Even the message of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection has been distorted by this misunderstanding about who God is. In Darin's words:

Sadly, the gospel message has been affected by this way of thinking. "God loves you; come to Him," has been turned into, "Jesus got a major beating that was meant for you, so come to Him." (p. 63)

Darin speaks from his own experience as a child, father, believer, and former pastor. He discovered that in many ways, the God of his religion was exactly opposite from the God of love. As a former pastor myself, this rang true to my own experience. We both had the disheartening experience of discovering that the deeper you get into religion, the more damaging it is to relationships. How could such a thing be? Darin nails the answer on the head, and I for one am deeply thankful.

Essentially, The Misunderstood God is a look at "the love chapter", but from the perspective that if God is love, and love is patient, kind, etc., then God must have these qualities. And if God is like this, then how on earth is the church giving us God B?

Of course your experience may not mirror Darin's. You may not have had the same kind of family upbringing, the same religious upbringing, or the same relational dysfunctions. You may not identify with him in all these areas. You may not agree with him on every point--I'm not sure I do. If you've been trained in theology, you may squirm just a little.

That's not the point, of course. The bottom line is, what is God really like, as a person? Your answer to this question affects everything else--your theology, your interpretation of scripture, your church life, everything. That's why you should at least read and consider what it has to say. Is it possible you've been trying to serve a distorted image that's more like your human dad than like God the Father? If there really is a "God A", I want to know that one.

Darin is not cut from the traditional Christian cloth, and is already held with contempt in some Christian circles; this book will not increase his popularity among these folks. I suspect he will take some heat for some statements that cut directly across the grain of even the most easy-going Christians, such as:

When we say that God wants to "use us" in some way to further His purposes, we are truly saying an awful thing about His heart...The gifts He has given you are never to be used at your expense. He does not want you to be used by anyone, and He will never use you. Your gifts were given to you for the purpose of bringing joy to your life, not for the purpose of serving Him or furthering His cause. Your happiness is His cause. (pp. 99-100)

I can already hear the Bible verses being quoted and the voices being raised in righteous indignation! This statement, taken out of context, seems to promote a completely self-centered approach to the Christian life. But if you will read the whole story, you will discover that the whole message is love, and love only lives when it is given to another.

If God is love, what does that look like? Is it more like the classic dysfunctional family, where relationships are characterized by power struggles, insecurity, one-upmanship, scapegoating, lying, and manipulation? Or is it something beautiful that my heart knows and longs for? Is it truly unconditional love that is steady, peaceful, patient, supportive, and absolutely reliable?

Obviously this is not an objective book review; I want you to read this book! You may love it or hate it, but it probably won't just fade into your memory like so many other things you have read. This is a unique book; it's not a new teaching, although it may feel new, because so many of us are generally confused about our relationship with God--what He really thinks about us, how He really feels about us.

Personally, I am very thankful this was written. I think you will find it true to life, honest, profound, and maybe a little unsettling, but in a good way. My hope, and I'm sure Darin's hope as well, is that ultimately you will discover and know this God of love for yourself.